Sadhana & Motherhood
“How do you balance doing your Sadhana, with being a mother?”
“How do you balance doing your Sadhana, with being a mother?” This is hands down the question I have been asked most often, and I get why. Being a mother and balancing it with a spiritual practice, isn’t always easy, but it can be done. The most important is to find what works for you and your family. And to stop feeling guilty and compare yourself to others.
Most women come to me with this question because they want to do a Sadhana (daily spiritual practice). They know of the benefits that it brings them, and what a difference it makes in their life when they do one. They’re interested in getting tips on how to manage both staying present in motherhood and continue their progress with Sadhana.
So today I though I would share some of my tips + what maintaining a Sadhana in motherhood has been like for me…
1) A little goes a long way
The amazing thing about Kundalini Yoga is, that you actually don’t have to do a super long or elaborate practice, to get good results. The technology is so efficient, that even a little bit of movement, breath and meditation can help you make some real progress over time.
The first two years of motherhood (more or less), I didn’t have a long Amrit Vela Sadhana (Sadhana practiced between 4.00 - 6.30 in the morning). I just did a bit of practice in the morning, and a bit in the evening. From my son was 1, he started going to daycare, so I could typically do my Sadhana once he was dropped off.
My favorite go-to was this combination, which I have dubbed the “better than coffee routine”:
3 minutes of Saraban Dhande kriya
3 minutes of Crow Squats
+ 5-11 minutes of the Refreshing the Brain meditation
Quick, efficient and can be done in less than 20 minutes. And it gives such good results!
2) Use sleeping hours to catch up on daily practice
If you can, do your Sadhana while your child is asleep. Sometimes though, we are just so tired at the end of the day, or you might have other things that you need to catch up on, like work, or house work, or you want to spend some time with your partner, or unwinding before going to bed.
For me, catching up on practice in the evenings can sometimes end up feeling like an extra stressor. Being too determined to get my child to sleep at a certain hour, so that I can “finish up my day” sometimes leads to impatience, or even irritation, if my child is then resisting going to bed, or he can feel me rushing it, and that I lack presence. So for me, evening hours aren’t really the best time to practice in anymore, as my son doesn’t like to go to bed early. Sometimes I can hand off bedtime routine to my husband, and I just go do my thing or go to sleep early myself.
Typically, the mornings for me are more ideal. There are great benefits to doing Sadhana in the morning (it’s traditionally done and recommended to do between 4.00 - 6.30AM, because then the effect is 40 times more powerful). However, if you co-sleep, setting an alarm might be tricky, or your child might wake up if you move from the bed. If my son does wake up, it’s not the end of the world, and he typically just join me in the Sadhana room, where I tuck him in blankets or have him rest in my lap, and then he falls asleep after a little while.
I have had moments over the last years, where I was very committed to waking up daily at 3.30, and doing an early morning Sadhana, but it can come with a price when you have a family. I sometimes miss the bedtime routine, or I might need to take a nap after Sadhana, and then miss the hours before school, now that I’m working more (still my own boss though + working mostly from home so that makes things a lot more flexible). I am at a point right now where family time is very important to me, and I do what I can on the days when it all lines up, and I might compromise my Sadhana on days when it doesn’t. And that’s okay with me.
Essentially it’s about finding that balance that works for you and your family, and I totally get if an Amrit Vela Sadhana seems like some far off ideal, that’s just too much of a struggle, at this point in your life.
3) Get your partner on board
Sadhana in our house is a big priority. I told my husband before we had a child that this was very important to me, and that I needed his help and support. He has been amazing at helping me keep up, keeping me accountable to my goals of doing a daily Sadhana, and supporting me in the best ways he can.
One of the things I cherish about our relationship, is the respect we have for each others needs, meaning that if my partner comes to me and says he needs to do something, I don’t question him about it, and I just try to offer solutions and help him however is can. This also means that when I need to do something, I can count on him for support, and not to question the validity of my need.
Talk with your partner and see how you two can help each other. It might spur a bigger conversation about goals, ambitions, and how you can best support each other and balance each others expectations.
4) Question why you want to do a Sadhana
“Because I should” or “because otherwise I am not a good yogi” just won’t cut it. Guilt and practice shouldn’t go together in my opinion, but of course sometimes we can fall into a spiral of comparing ourselves with others, or we might have a habit of putting ourselves under the whip (metaphorically speaking of course😅).
Why do you want to practice? What does it give you? What are you trying to reach? Make a list and remind yourself of your reasons why. This will get you through in those moments when you might be challenged—either by circumstances, or because you encounter some subconscious blocks that starts making you believe that you should stop practicing (we’ve all be there).
The notion is: If you run out of discipline, use motivation. And if you run out of motivation, use discipline.
5) Mothering IS the spiritual practice
Becoming a mother is the greatest Seva (service) you will ever do. Remember that carrying a child, nourishing a child + raising a child is the most divine act of any human. You are participating in the creation of a future humanity. There’s no separation between a spiritual practice and being a mother.
If you find yourself too overwhelmed, too exhausted, or simply too busy to do any kind of Sadhana, don’t believe for a second that you are not already doing spiritual work (+ a day will come in your life, when you will have all the time in the world to do Sadhana).
The challenges that you face as a parent will have you develop grit, compassion + forgiveness, and grow a love in you which is deeply transformative.
Our spiritual practice should enrich us, and not feel like an outside pressure, or a way to feed our ego’s sense of self.
Of course doing something consistently builds strength and character, and if you are used to doing Sadhana, not doing it can make you feel off and weird, simply because the glandular system isn’t getting that daily adjustment (Kundalini Yoga is especially useful for balancing the glandulars which makes you feel happy and relaxed).
But I encourage you not to get into a state of mind, where you believe that everything in your life might go wrong or fall apart, if you don’t do a daily Sadhana. That mindset will f**k things up for you (pardon my language, I have been watching too much Yellowstone lately😂). Think of every act of kindness, every service you do for your family and for others + every mantra you recite in your mind while driving to pick your child up from school, or any conscious breath you take, as your connection to the great consciousness in all, and as that which will sustain you, succeed you, and help you through in life.
NEW MONTHLY CLASS FOR MOTHERS
I am happy to announce that starting next month, I will be offering a complimentary monthly Kundalini Yoga class for mothers (and anyone else interested in the yogic motherhood teachings).
The first class will take place on Friday the 13th (an exciting day to dive into the teachings around the Divine Feminine—I’ll tell you more about why in the class), at 15.30 CEST (central European time zone). A replay will be available too and will be uploaded or linked to, here through my Substack. Stay tuned for sign up link.
Inspiring my son is probably one of the greatest rewards of doing my Sadhana practice. Here he asked if I would help him set up his own practice space in his room. I am so grateful for these moments and they make it all worth it.
Love this one <3